If you are reading this then you had parents. I encourage you to take a few minutes to think about parenting, whether you plan to be a parent, are presently a parent.

Were your parents good parents in your opinion? Did you even know your birth parents, or were you an orphan? Were the ones that raised you the role models that influenced your life? Did you want to become like them? Or did you plan to avoid becoming like them? I think most people who become parents will agree that parenting is not easy. And it seems in today’s western culture there is less emphasis on the role of a parent as generation succeeds generation. What has led to the decline of parenting as an honorable and essential role in our present day culture? I think the decline in good parenting is a dangerous trend, and believe it is time to re-focus.

Most of the media we encounter today tempts one to believe that the focus of our lives should be on ourselves. We are told we should strive to fulfill our individual wants, to bring our dreams, our plans to fruition. The result of this focus is that currently we live in a ME generation. Many people have become absorbed in social media and desirous that others KNOW they exist, and hopefully appreciate whom they have become, what they say they have done, or what they say they stand for!

Most of us are not loners, but seek friends, people who will agree with our own thoughts and reasoning. Many of us like to be heard, to make our opinions known! We seek a wider audience than neighbors, family, close friends. By our very nature we seek others who will agree with us. Feeling separated, lonely and isolated is unpleasant and for many of us abhorrent. Some even seek validation for their very existence by how many friends they can garner. Today the opportunities seem almost limitless to do that on social media sites. We post our thoughts, announce our current happenings and await feedback in the form of likes and comments. We love it when comments are positive and affirming, and often dismiss them when they are otherwise. If we don’t like opposing or negative comments, we can merely “un-friend” those people from our growing list of “friends”.

One of the outcomes of this electronic evolution is that we now have a much broader spectrum from whom to seek life partners, a much larger field from which to choose. And we have at our disposal resources previously unavailable to us. We have become an electronically mobile society, able to access information on anyone who has volunteered that information in hopes of being recognized. Through many matchmaking services for which we are asked to pay a small fee we can be “matched” to the “perfect individual” for us. Such services grant access to personality profiles created from information and data received voluntarily by applicants. I have often wondered how many inaccuracies there might be in these bios, because most of us aren’t really that forthcoming about who we really are. We don’t really SEE ourselves in reality. Most people find themselves in the self-awareness stage of life, no matter what their age, especially if they have taken control of their lives, attempting to work out their lives in accordance with their own plans, to create their own destiny.

Matchmaking services bring the prospective parties together electronically, so that individuals can contact one another to arrange an initial meeting, a first date. The success of the service is measured on the number of long-term relationships that develop, some leading to marriage. But marriage, I believe is the most serious test of any relationship between a man and a woman. Statistics show that marriages don’t last as they did in former generations. Many young people postpone tying the knot for years because they are uncertain their present partner is the optimum one for them. And because they at least recognize that parenting is an even more serious responsibility for any human being, and requires a lot of personal sacrifices in order to do it correctly. After all if life is supposed to be all about ME, having children and raising a family would be a serious impediment.

I think we can all agree that there are good parents and there are bad parents. Many of us would have preferred to have had better parents, but that doesn’t mean that the parents who raised us were bad parents. If we examine our own life experience as both child and parent, do we seek a truthful assessment, or are we willing to settle for appearances alone? We should look deep within ourselves and by doing so perhaps see how very discontent we might have become when our childish demands were not met. What makes a good parent? Isn’t it one that establishes guidelines, provides for our earthly needs, protects us from harm from others, and otherwise nurtures us and prepares us to leave the nest and become adults? And does all that while only hoping for some respect from us? Doesn’t it depend on how the parent regards that role? How does one become a good parent? I propose the answer to all those questions is contained in God’s word, the Bible. Jesus taught His disciples that we are to love one another. He taught that we are to lay down our own lives for one another, in essence to sacrifice for one another. He invites children to come to Him. That’s directly contrary to having one’s focus on self, as described above, isn’t it?

A major consequence in our society today of generations of what I will describe as deficient and dysfunctional parenting is that many children never receive the kind of nurture essential to allow them to develop into responsible citizens of society. Now that I am a grandparent, I am grateful for the nurture I received from parents, grandparents, pastors, teachers, and role models of all kinds. Not one of them was perfect for they each had their flaws. But, I gleaned from their collective words and example the values I adopted in my own life. Most of all, I learned that without God’s help I had not the capability to become a good parent. I had the privilege to have been raised in Christian home and taught core Christian values. I don’t believe any human being automatically assumes core values; they must be conveyed, taught by word and example. I believe that is the primary role of a parent. May God Bless your parenting as you seek Him for the strength to do so!